Scared.... or just?

Its afternoon, pigeons giving away talks to each other and cooing in the middle of my text.
Winter afternoon has it, taking an off from the daily mundane, sitting back to enjoy your part of pain..
You can introspect the past year - that is yet going on.. and that your birthday has now another definition. Cold feet, and a sweater by lucky grandmother, the afternoon is taking its warmth away from me...

Things that pass by, or stay and leave.. take away the happiness and grief..
I will be alone like today for more to come..
The jeopardy of buying or not buying a dress - whom would I ask anymore??
I looked into the pigeon's eye - it scarily flew off..
People leaving...

Coldness in the Heart

It gets chillier nowadays, but not snow..
I tend to wrap around my own self, around clothes, 
Around you..
We fight but not much..
Distances have become rather very murky these days.. 
Yet to snow - It will probably bring us together..

You have become loveable.

Understanding of the farthest

Its okay not to be heard or understood sometimes..
It is like..
Loving or liking someone doesn't mean it has to be the relationship we look forward to..
There are hardships, true.. but better than building up lines and glass walls in a social relationship..
And then there is respect, trust.. and many such things as components.. 
Which need to be earned. 
And after sometime it will cease.. winds never stayed in the same place..
Nor does the river water..

To be human is weird.. We draw fences against people 
And claim social relationships with the same ones... 
And then want solitude..

It is going to rain tonight.. 

Personal or public

The lines we draw for others to cross..
Or maintain. What happens if they are violated?
The people we sleep with, the secrets we share.. the lives we live in..
How often do we let these mix and match?
When does our friend become our partner?

The Future-Making Business

I know you don't read me.. and hence its easier to express here..
We have parted once more.. I do not know if for the good or to end things..
Yes I am jealous.. I am sad.. Grieving, I would say..
You do not have time for the present..

- The Heart

Parting

On days like these, I wish for more.. 
I silently step back in my benevolence..
and, enjoy the warmth, of company.. Whatever little..
And apprehension of future..
Let not that be a hindrance, for there shall be meetings..
I hope..

Conversations - II

Keep calm and please let me work.
But what about me? I can't concentrate without you, You know that right?
How do I care? I have been busy, just leave..
Okie.

Conversations - I

I love the new Airtel Ads btw. Aren't they sweet.
Yes.
When are we going to get together?
Lets not have this discussion now..
Okie. 

Chora

The moment we decide to leave a certain part of us behind, it starts following us.
Like winds. Like ants follow sweetness. And the like the desert wind flows away sand.
You and I are like the winds.. We keep flowing, irrespective of what follows us..
You and I are like specks of time.. that just remain embedded.
Some where..
We keep searching for those pasts sometimes.. thinking of joining links back.. 
But once broken.. the heart can't be mended.
You and I are like broken links.. 
Of the same threads.. of same days..
You and I are the two-sided coin..
Together, yet different.
You and I are the past and future..
The present lies between us..
We exist there..

Disaster

I have got this weird scratch on my back..
And it pains much.. Just as how separation does.. from you..
And so expressing angst isn't much easier to a fellow like you..
I smoked, drank, in your fury..
only to make you ashamed.
Hating me.

I wonder if I could ever make anyone proud..
I guess no.

Colors

In a moment's notice, you change colors..
From red and blue to true green,
And then leave me in trance to your mystified self..
A surprise my eyes hath never seen.

You bind me, love me, hold me tight,
Whenever needed release me,
I have no powers, no hold no bold,
I can never be same as you would be..

We are different souls, you a higher rendition..
We can love, fly and melt in ourselves..
Yet be different..
For you are a surprise..
I am your hypnotized lover..

Till then...

There will be someday, yes, for sure..
When there'll be no work.. but love..
When you will have all the time for me.. 
As we will spend time cooking and laying down on grasses..
Putting down our toes in cold waters and holding hands in sleep..
And I can lie down beside you to serenity..

Someday..

I will count for days as those.. 
Which will make us rise together, in arms of each other..
Close..

The Eve of the anniversary

Today is the Eve,
And yesterday, long time back, Adam asked out..
Tomorrow will be the finale.

Two fine springs and summers later..
Adam and Eve are withered, their petals dried,
and laughter reduced to smiles, from peals..

Adam goes to work.. comes back tired..
Keeps quiet..
Unknowingly, Eve keeps on with herself..

They are a boring school time table now..
with the session soon ending..

School life ends too..

Unconditions and Unconventions..

We still have lots left. 
Probably we will go another degree far.. 
In order to live the missed moments..
You may have your other dedications, But I will have you.
And I will still love you, the way I do..

Stand still

No dinner today.
Apparently all I can do is wrong things..

So I have decided that I won't do anything.
Just stay put. Quiet. 

Update

Just stumbled upon the interface of Tumblr.
And its fun, thinking of shifting..

Here's the link : http://arunima017.tumblr.com/

I will be publishing more liberally out there :)

Thoughtless

We all have a definition problem!!!
Of fun, of time and space.. 

Of loneliness and spending time together.. 

Identity Crisis

When you are on the verge of changing cities, as in shifting your base, what comes to your mind immediately??

I say the fear of losing the previous loved ones?
Or the joy of entering a completely new dialogue of people, roads, buses, hawkers..
Food..
The new summer, or the winter, new breakfast, and the new beggars lining up your daily monotony..
We will be next defined by this new city, that we then belong to it...
Or do we not??
Is the dilemma of choosing what color to wear only subjected to our minds? or we choose our looks based on where we are living??

The way we talk, for that matter?? 
How difficult is it, for us to change our lives?? Or its only the city changing??

"We define the place we live in.. City defined by its people"
Or the language? And food? and the colors of our bags and cars??

Or the beggars??

Peace all, Love all

It was spine chilling cold, aftermath of the shower..
And all over the sky, was my name inscribed.
All was quiet.. I promised myself so,

And you too..

I wonder what the forecast would be..

Miss messenger

Life keeps you posted,
on irritation, anger, relief..
Love, on that matter..
We think its easier to write of love,
Out of it...
But not necessarily into it..

We don't learn to live into it.
Like always it seems difficult, and we back out.

We don't want to hear words.. anymore.
Speak.. Hatred..

And  then we Forget.

How easy was falling out of love...

But on our own

I played with guitar strings entire morning today. Not knowing the basics, of course. But they produced sounds, I tended to love.

And the breeze outside, eased the pain, together with the uncanny eerie sounds of the digital guitar..

Somehow its easier to write when you are sad, depressed.. I am stoned..

I keep thinking I will no more peek. I keep deciding,
I will,
No more..
No more phone calls..

Not even hellos..

I will restrict myself..
From thinking you, your scent.

We ought to walk.. 

Eviction

Songs remind me of you.. 
how our differences were undermined at a time..
And now all we have is differences..

Isolation doesn't mean no people around.
Its like being depressed in the crowd.
We call each other.. But we don't recognize each other!!
We want different ambitions..
We hear different sounds..

Soulbreak

Sometimes we hear languages, we do not know..

We see faces we do not see everyday.. 

Some faces remain by, and suddenly become unknown again.

We see different colors..

Some spellings remind us of those special unknown people..

Problems persist.. Differences too..

Yet happy times come by within these faces,

Colors,

Times..

And yet humans could never learn to respect differences.

They could either compromise,

or fight..

Just before the 3rd year

Silence became her weapon,
She had rules to follow now..

Loneliness, among others was her enemy..

A song to the Gone

How often will I let you leave? And You keep coming back..
How often will things go haywire, as usual, 
While I try to put them right.. 

Winds of lost love are here again..
Let them go, catch the train..

I do not know What strikes you,
That you repeat yourself..
In manners most erroneous..
For I no longer wait for you, 
Neither, expectations await..

Winds of lost love are here again..
Let them go, catch the train..

Blown

Winds come, and pass by..
Heavier ones bring rain, You brought one today.
I didn't want to get wet today!

A Lost episode, 
An epitaph, and a sad lyrics.. 

No more, no more..

Fandom

The more time we spend in a relationship,
the more we get involved in it..
Or the reverse?
Like we speak a lot initially,
Yet, over time, conversations limit to only a certain vocabulary.

"I saw you the other day,
basking in the sun.. among others..
Would have loved to be there beside you..
but, the frenzy won't permit me..

You are famous..
I am a mere fan.."

Maybe

Beyond these lines, and those curves.. lies a world..
Where you are mine, and I just fit into your arms..
Possibly!!
I don't ask to meet you there, You are unreachable..
Far away...

Maybe give me a voice..
I'll keep my ears open, give you a hand, I will..
Try and hold me then..

Stuck with thesis

Over the hills, I find my solace,
and they are hills so huge.
I am lazy, I am poor, 
Hills come growling at me..

Farewell

You are wrong.
Irritating, frustrated.
Leave.
..
..
..
..
..
...
..
.




"Life was good with you.. 

Interview

Hello.

I started some years ago, afresh. 

Where do you see yourself now?

I should have been grounded. I feel frustrated as usual though. Few years ago, I started this.. and today I am, still struggling. 

Beyond all the fun making and merry dinners.. I have reached the line of boredom.. 

What kind of boredom is this?

I do not know perhaps.. Its boring, you keep on doing things, bathing in the same frustration of not being able to keep up to levels, standards.. 

I probably want to breath now.
Yes.

What about a commitment?

You require more of a crude lifestyle for that.. I am lacking that right now.. I think we are still pretentious about ourselves.. We speak out our minds, true.. but not fully I think. There's still some things scarce..

What do you want now then?

A fairy tale life for sometime?? Too much to ask, yes.. but that's how you react when you are tired right? Or maybe I am wrong again, as usual..

Pursue

Hear me slow,
Hear me please..  for the winds don't let you.. the crowd drowns my voice..
Yet to hear me, if that is your choice..
Fight if you may, through thick..
through thin..
I may not be all..
for certain..
But I offer solace.. in lying down with me..

I just wish, you can see..

Winds of change

How people change.. just over few days..
Remember the last time I saw you, yes.. You were so... and so..
I was this, and this.
We talked and laughed. We walked past days, 
And thus made memories..
Others spoke, you least cared.. 
And made me feel special.

Here we are today. 
You are big.. far away from me.
I don't understand your words,
And you speak so less..

We don't make memories anymore!!

A Happy New Year

The following is a Hindi song inspired... 
Rendered in Rhino, using VRay 1.5, and then photoshopping!!!