6 months : my time to live

its just about 2 months for my day to leave..

the city, parents, friends, sister..

untold words, roads and alleys i cross by..

yes it'll be an obvious story..

to miss, keep them in memory all the time

like any other girl..

to keep looking back for that extra smile from ma,

an irritating pat from that stupid sibling,

and to feel the unknown presence..

of that perfectionist!!

a smile can hide and lie so much..

to visit that same place..

the same roads, lamp posts, cafeteria..

your footprints will define my road

or may defy mine too!!

the places will bear witness..

to you..

and now to me..

and then i'll be back..

to shelter.. laughing with my sister..

hugging every friend i meet..

boasting out stories blatantly..

like things were that easy and cool!!

streaks of color, monochrome bangles, kohl-ed eyes;

and then its black!!!

blue

blue makes me drool..
over u..
and the evenings..
the song that floated about..
to take us to darkness
to light up little corners..
and make sunset yours..
i play around with fingers..
and then they come to me!!!
to entwine with mine
curtains fly across your face..
glasses of wine overflow..
and come back to us,
to be filled up more with that tune!!
and then,to kill me..

intimacy

i danced to your beats
they are unknown..
yet rhythm floats..

then we could have kissed each other

then evening would come

to kiss us again..

and make us each other's..

and there could have been peace..

its all a matter of a visit!!

to hold the twilight rays

and then put it in the sea shell..

and there..

you get the perfect blend...

like my hands in yours..the sand beneath..

water with all its salt halting at our legs..

bare and crude..

smile isn't just a part..

its there..to entice you..

and yours forever....

of me

of all the vague possibilities, i could have been a little kid with no time to play..
to crawl upon the slide..
yet a stupid one to hide myself in the books..
and so was the notion..
but i did play..with boys.. with girls..
and here i stand today..playing with spaces..
calling myself a would-be architect..
overruling the chances of speaking and writing for the world..
for me!!


but dreams or habits do manifest themselves..
with me its about being an architect..
yet to express more than just in terms of buildings or spaces..
to make out words.. to play with them, along with those colors..


i may not get a reader or client..
sad enough on my part..colleagues pitying..
but false- needs not be told!!
out of the few minutes(hours are a distant dream!!) i afford sleep..
things decide to go mayhem..they run about..
to kill me..
to kill my love.. 
to kill black and white..


and all this turn around on me..
take a heavy toll.. on my buildings..
they get that disgusted too.. 
while i satisfy my needs by the coins..


and that's the whole pointt about getting into this..
you have black to guard your darkness..
money to jingle up your mood..
and work to make you feel important..


and yet there's so much left..
pessimism never got over!!

lonely times

like the cat on the streets crying.. you peek outside..

to find desolation..

from the world, lights, sound, people, cameras.

from the music blinding out your sight..

and the pack of cards you ought to play in free time everyday..

you get between the sheets..hold hands, walk with lights ahead..

and even bigger things look down upon you..

they poke you.. you reject it..

weary and tired..walking down memory lanes

strange and cumbersome..

they hurt you, 

but thats how it is supposed to be..

lines after lines..words and pencils

wires all messed up.. 

like it was never jeopardised earlier..

and yet you want that feel

of goodness.. of nicer times..

and you go out,

to dream,to earn

forgetting the basics..

to come back again..

you have no one to read..

praise..

but this is expression..

the source.. 

you read,you delve into it..

and forget..

to die!!

abrupt

i require more of a contemporary consciousness,

to start recognising you..

to start knowing you..

as you are a higher rendition!!

i owe you my starting years..

had you not held my hand!!!

but i dreamt of meetings together..

of the laugh and skills we shared...

but ashtray needs to be filled up..

and yet i do not stop!!

clueless, or should i say..stranger..

me or you..

yes we!!!

the walk overs..the conversing nights 

they had to end..

or rather you had to leave!!

loyalty test

and yet we think so damn much...of our past..of how things could have been..
and yet they seem and become so trifling..so very strange..
we are asked to speak of loyalty.. give tests
we cant speak..because if we do..we're misunderstood.. wronged..


to hell with those people..
we are not respected.and given what we may expect..tears apparently come out...
but they never ever want to know..
they are not bothered..
SO VERY TYPICAL of people..
they whine, laugh like assholes.. 
and simply forget..
such is irony of the dreadful world!!!
we don't get to speak..
and we had so many freedoms!!!!!!

birth

you get to draw up that dream..
living on you every day..
and then the pain.. may be to see it getting finished...
it vanishes...
...
you are shattered..days and nights break off.. blood shed all over..
...
beauty doesn't limit itself to only facial caricatures ...
you get inside..that's where is peace..
and there lies the dream.. untouched..crude and sparking.. in its vibrancy, it glows..
for you to live it...

dream

i have been in dilemma..like always, but yet all the more..
jobless i bark about like a bitch..
similarity bites me ..
yet differences are far away..
and i strive to climb up..
still on my way to the top..