Merry Christmas

Its Christmas eve today... That's only the best part about the evening.

And this post, is completely out of all the woes and smiles, in my life.
Its about me. Though of course, I have different place to write about it.
It is sentimental things, that attach me more to this blog.
I have 1.5 years more, for my grad school to finish. I feel miserable at heart. 
But, I am way more confident, in terms of my assignments.
I can click, somewhat. Write, well.... that's commendable, I feel.
And I have dreams.
To have my own publication, my partnership design firm.
And a happy life.

And while I think I am on my way to all this....
There are heartbreaks, from people, who I really thought my own, till yesterday.
And, Parties... To loose myself out.

This is the 21st Christmas Eve, of my life...

to some people

At a certain point of time, you really tend to think that you are being missed.
You are being loved.
And then its proven wrong.
For you may think life has stopped. But then it never did. 

Life is much shorter. I would suggest rather. Don't ever think like wise. 
Emotions are for control. Like love is for being personal.

You should always be an intrigue. To others.
That's where fun lies.

Urbanism

What people do between buildings, is very relative. Depends a lot on how the space stands at the end.
However, I find it weird. When people don't walk to connect, and are always on wheels. 
I also find it weird when I get back home after 6 months. As it is in one of the cities I hate. 

Freedom, isn't that easy. Neither free.
And that's the irony.

I love a bigger city. 

The inspiring notes that fly

Some where in there, as you cuddle up in the softer blanket, than mine. 
I just wish to be there at mine too, a few days later. There always exists a parallel universe.
I wont get back to cut a cake. But of course, there'll be uprisings.
I'll drink all the more coffee. And wear more glasses. 
I hate those posers. They speak of nativity, and demonstrate solidarity to the far.
And we are alike in this point of view.
Lets show what we belong to. What we adapt, and what far has to give to us.

I know I have to get to the far. Anyhow. 
You were the fuel.

Showdown

Today will be a night. The one to remember, and then embrace in arms. To dance, along hypocrites.
To rejoice and drink, to you.
It has come but once.

We have had good times together, of which I really can't stop speaking.
Like there's a always a good time, people spend, between buildings. There's a weird dilemma I have been facing for quite some time now. And I guess that's kind of reflected in what you are reading now.
Perhaps I am tending towards restlessness, more than ever.
I of course show eclectic features. More than ever now. But that's what makes me. 

Tomorrow would be the last day. Of, may be us. I do not know. You have responsibly spoiled the previous some time. And I get a feeling you enjoyed it. Really, how far could you go?
Let's be fair now.

the time we spent

I am going to spend only few more days here. At one of the most chilled cities in here. 
I have friends, few of them, and together with the charm of the place, they make the whole thing special.
I will be going back to my natives, in few weeks time.
I do not know if they'll be happy. Or sad. Or rather indifferent.

I just know I won't get back this time, anymore in my life.

Endless-ness of the being

Today began with a light.
A light, it took me within it, It along the world.
It made me new. I'm now inspired.
You are new. To me. My inspiration.
I dream big, and I have wishes, countless.
I fulfill them now, as you come.
We meet. We dream. We realize together.
There's the light, making us newer.
Everyday.

sunshines on you

There are people here, and there. They talk about me, and you.
They hate me, yet pretend to love. They bitch about me, and you. I become a criminal.
And you tend to.
Far from the happy and lighter soul.
We were.

when we became

Just when you are about to feel angry, its always the good things that I make you remember.
Yes, we share this relationship,
Of sweethearts and earrings, and walking to remember times.
Each one of them.
Quarreling about likes and dislikes, holding fingers.
Metro misconceptions...
And so many of unforgettable stories. We make them, listen to them again and again.

Time forgotten, stories become memories,
Stories become us...

cenotaph

I wonder if it is fair enough,
To lose out on yourself, just because of things done by a different person..
Specially when you love them dearly...

Is it really fair?

the boy with the goatee

I am the face to you..
The color to your dark,

The noise to your quiet
The line in your mark.

Happy Puja

It wasn't like any other morning, and yet was one.
It seemed like it would rain, and it did too. big droplets. I did not get wet. I only heard of it.
And then there was an un-welcome warmth in the air. Not that of Pujo or Navaratri.
That had begun since Sunday. And its again the year... I am not going back home.
I made plans here.
I will pray for myself, for its going to be tough for me when I get back.
And for my Ma. She's sick.
Baba, for he has to bear all of it.
And the kiddo in my life... Its going to be her first Boards.
There's also this guy. And all my friends, whom I care about.

I don't know if praying shows being orthodox, but I like to do it. Asking for things for others too, besides yourself.
That's the beauty. And Pujo teaches you fun, along with prayers.

Somewhere hidden is the belief. On you, her, him.....

the dark knight

You are afraid. Of the dark. Loneliness.
I come to you,
I don't know if its light for you. But its surely for me.

unfinished near the finishing line

A newer story...
When things go perfect. Like in a fairy tale. And i keep on singing the jig all day long.
Just that I am not in a dress, neither you in a grey t-shirt.
We laugh, cry, break, get together.
You and I, in this beautiful world. I forgot else.

sun kissed

Its almost home. When it smells like that. Like you.
The sheets all around, and books with scribbles. The legs aching.
With shoe laces yet to be tied.You seem like a kid.
And I wait for sunshine to come, to shine on dew drops.
I hold it then, slowly let it crawl on your feet.
And then you wake me up.
Your lips touching the sun.
And then mine.

deadline

You have a job. An interesting one.

Really??

Yes. You are to make this. Your creation.


This is mine. You are to do this now. Your time is over.

But its still mine. My work.

the onset

The day began, with a certain you. Tired, sleepy.
Then there was light, music.. Subtle and soft. Loud though.
For you to sleep. And I woke up. Smelled up the tunes.
I pass them on to you.
Somewhere.

the surprises and caramelloes

Birthdays are in a way good. You realize you can be special or a day.
And cut cakes, all good things put around you. people make you smile, and even the sun is different.
You tend to get surprises...
And hugs..
Only to realize you are growing...
To life.

being in this feelng

And I find it weird at times, to see myself, trying to comprehend the complexities.
They were never for me. Neither did I love them. And so I try to stay at my place, even if my guy is eyeing that blonde. I know he's going to come back someday. I am beautiful in what I am.
He says I have eyes like the cow. Stretched and beautiful.
And then to realize, I have been living on caffeine, lately.
It has become my new found love, over the guy.
She is other name for jeopardy. And him, a sweetheart. We walk even more now, and love doing so.
Arms are the next coziest place on earth, other than your own house. And yes I crave to be in it.
Yours.

what i miss

There is more than just roaming around...
There is also a certain stone...I kicked it.
And I going on doing so,

Only to miss it, later.
Colors and patterns..
I don't see them either.
Neither broken walls, and illicit ramps.
Its all very neutralized, nude here. There's a subtle emptiness, in the air..
Men and women..
Drapes and pants, cars...

happy Teacher's Day

The giggles, and sobs I shared. And the first success ever.
And then, the talks I ever had. The discipline and fun, the grace and all the humility.
Being beautiful, being the perfectionist, you are so... In me.
The surprise in me, and patience, that little bit.
To challenge, is you. To win, is you too. You make me live higher.
You are the never say die.
The complete-ness in my incomplete. The say in my quiet.
The jingle of my medals. The attitude in my being.

bunch of roses

And there's this lady, dressing up every morning.
She walks, gets mingled, and then goes on smiling...
She has this scent, and tresses to love.
There are people around her...
You, and you, and you.... And you too..
And there.. You too...
She walks by you, talks to you, smiles and laughs at you.
She is looked at... You ogle at her, and you wink.
You get her things to buy, and you make her cry.
You make her smile, holding her hand.
You are by her side. You love her.

day of decision

I finished a chapter. Laughed and felt stupid.
Like I knew it always, and yet went on reading.
And then I come to write of it.
Like the stories of hope and morality.
Wish things were so in life. But they never can be so. So do I.
I end up being without scruples.

the mountain top

There had been a day.
When I was.
There. On sometime beach. The sole surfer.
I was the wave. I was the sand. You were far.
And you too. I had the flag.
There were colors, oodles of them.

I live in monochrome now. You are colorful.

reflections

I be your muse. Your color, to define me.
I be your brush, to color me.
I be your chandelier, to light me.
I be your eyes, to see me.
I be your model, your subject..
I be you. To love me.
You be me. My love.

the reason for happy episodes

Its when flowers bloom, that you feel beautiful.
And its when snow falls..
And then the autumn leaves..
Seeing the sun go down..
Walking on the sands..
Holding hands..
Coffee on chilled mornings..

And then for me, its you.
When you click me...
Hold me, be with me..
You become the world for me..

to love, from me...

To all the splits in walls.. I have a thing for you. 
I like to come closer to you.
So that you could hide me in...
So that I could be safe inside.
With all my dreams that I had built around .. 
When you were not there..
The one to hold your hands..
And to be lying down with you on sand..
With your legs on mine..
And then, a darkness..

the day we loved

For all the feathers that are there...
Lying on the heaven door.. 
I feel like putting them on my hair.
Let them grow to be my wings.
And up to you will I fly.

The journey to your heart

And here when I walk on streets..
Try to be of here, buy things not mine..
That is when you come to mind. 
I feel an unkempt urge, to go back to you,
And keep you to me forever.
Like I had lost you.

I walk on curved alleys, lined with short clothes.
Artificial streets.
Even if I hold hands here,kiss,love.
I know you love me back.

happy Friendship day

And the many phone calls that might come back to you now..
I'd love to be that old thing for you.
I'll miss you, and hold you when you cry.
I hate you for how you were with me.
We text even now. The degree changed, depth loosened.
We have days, apart. And nights that are sexier.
I still like to count on you. But I don't know about you.

Suddenly again...
We become strange.
We are quiet, and no more.

new found

Rain, you are the walk. You are the splatter in my heart.
The mud washed roads and umbrellas dripping.
You are the sweat on my neck, the black t-shirt I love and the bougainvillea, magenta.
You are the seats and the sandals all wet, the dogs running about soaked and flies creating mayhem.
You are my darkness, my shelter. You are my voice. You are my weakness.
You are my light, my pride, my envy.
You are my tear and happiness too.
You are the future to come in my life, and my present.
You are the rain.

the daily times

You always want things your way. 
And the moment they go haywire, you freak out.
You become the life of things, you are happy.
Then comes the test.
You are thrown away.

misery

Suddenly there was light, dazzling..
And I some how flew with it.
Unknowingly forgetting me....
The world around me...
The kid who smoked..
and the beads of color...
I forgot those unkempt girls..
Whom I belong to...
There was this blanket.. torn..
And I it wrapped around me...

dates

And then there are days we love to be in...
When every thing's just so beautiful..
When you move your fingers in my laces..
And I close my eyes to be kissed..
We make love..

the sweet of wait

I know you are those glitters on the bangles,
The veins of leaves, I like smelling.
Pollen of flowers..
Which wait..
Like I do...
For the sun,
The smoke..
The thick rimmed specs...
The black and white...

deterioration

It was dark beneath. I do not know why.
They promised to read me, and yet I wanted to write.
I took this darker way for me.
Thinking of the light later.
I want both reading and writing around me.
Every light has a darker behind.
I am all too tired.
I want to be dead.

traces of love

This is the snow I have been looking for...
To make me feel cold.
To make that fog outside.
To make me wear the blanket around.
To make me miss you..

coffee-ed mornings

In between all the woods of lines
And jungles of curves,
There are dots of carelessness..
And then there's you..
A whole lot of you.
Just you.

introspection

There are these trees, all over the place,
And its supposed to be there..
It has to be cooler,
With only a bit of that sun kissing the feet, mellow.
You would listen to ripples,
And I, the wind.
Petals would come down, touch you, and fall on me
There has to a pebble, to scrape the ground.
The red one, broken from a brick.
It has to be lonely.
Like us.
And the leaves will ave to be all over.

beyond 12 hours

I am going through this strange phase..its called something..
I have to dine alone, walk the same...
There are these alien roads, even i want to make them familiar..
I have those seats in front of me empty,
Every time I am eating out.
Every time I sleep, there's this silence...
It is not that I am missing anything..
I really don't..
I am just here..
With myself..

the office desk

That's where I find the most fascinating corner..
The intrigue..and to be watching it every time I turn at her..
 Jeopardy!!
The terracotta cups, with black and white mayhem..
The rustic pencils, weary.
The funniest cow, looking at you in amusement.
Parrots, chirped on a wooden pipe... with cloth clips perched from a red string.
And the cute dog's picture, whom you would love to cuddle..
Her daughter's sun and moon and the parents holding her hand..
The orange sand clock... and other vintage clocks..
Sheets and notebooks..scandalously scattered..
Ganesh..there were two statuettes..

I wont be here for long.. but I can only wish..
Yes I am jealous..

non-sensical ###

There was water flooding my room today..
and I didn't notice it..
I was lost

life here..

When the sun is here, every morning..
It already has shone on you,
Making you think of me..
And when I get up, its only you..
to whom I belong..

The afternoon shower

There are rains, at times when it coincides..
It comes to me..and to you too..
I feel like wishing..and then you do so too..
We wish the same thing..
Coincidentally..
I let the drops just touch me. lightly..
You drench yourself..
There is this wetness..
Little..
And more..

Workplace

Its another start of day..
and I wait for the daybreak now itself.
I am stupid, crazy and an architect..
It has to be a good day, I think to myself.
Not knowing things that lay ahead of me, the people, their talks..
In words I cannot read..
They play music I do not like.
And have books I crave for..

aftereffects

Thank god for the fact that I can read.
Not humans, but words which define us, our being, our surroundings.
But I cannot read you, your being, your self-ness...
You are are difficult... or rather I am too simple..

There could have been things, so different...
Yet they are not..
To come back, its difficult. I know..
You never did.
I could not.
I wish there had been simpler things..

when you were gone

For all the love you give me.. I am grateful.. But you know how it goes with me.. and that I tried too..
But somehow could not..    
I know you would not believe or you might not even try to...

Just wanted you to listen to me once, when you went on talking...

a week's report

I thought there will be much to write about.
But I think I am loosing myself, in the attempt to find.
There are certain grains i need to get right, then it will all be fine.
I assume so.

I am on a tryst with lines, various.

confessions

It feels strange sometimes, here. being alone, remembering you.
I can only talk to you. And that's superficial.
I can wish for you to be here.
And wait for a certain time to come..
There's this fact that we are together.
And we both love it.

I wrote this for you.

the beginning of the next

This is not an account.. Its just there..
The day when i started, it was messy, There were lots of people. They went on talking,laughing.
And i somehow felt lonely, just wanted to be alone. Quietness!!

And here I am..
Alone. I don't talk to anyone. Just be there on my own.
I draw, feel frustrated, feel anxious to be back home, though temporary.
And then wash dishes.
Just to be.

park street

Stay healthy and safe.
Eat well.
Work yourself, to forget me.
I shall miss you always.
And you will remain there with me.
Love.

letters to them

To Some People,

I know we all exist impeded in the same social fabric, and there should be growing mutuality, in this today's world of globalization, population increase. We have stopped caring about each other and have become miserable readers. We read what is in news, speak and then forget. Some, like me, will come back home to express their feelings.
There are times in this socialism, when we feel emotionally attacked, feel low, might as well feel so alien to you.
I really do not know, nor do I sit here to judge your grievances, ideologies, and whatever little part of your brain you do use.
its just that we are different in the way we express. Maybe I am crazy to think you are intervening, or rather I am wrong. But I find it sad to leave a city after sometime, to leave my family, for maybe just 6 months. I do hope for a livelier new place, new work environment. And I do love even more to express it, in a place where we are supposed to socialize.
I do not know, may be I am wrong, but that is me..

Yours
Me.

break

I have been getting influenced..so much..so badly..
And I hate it, now that I know it..
I am in those days of monotony, with no work..no play..sudden simple outings.
That too have stopped..
only to remind me of the upcoming work loads..
Deadlines never finish for an architect!!
But I am still hating this state..
There's just Nothing...

I wish someone brought me You..
We would be us..
Plants would be greener..

along the river banks

I know you fight your day, just to come back..
Walk with me, sit and be calm..
You can even use my shoulders to rest..
I am a happy host..
To you, and I'll always be.
Let new days come along to cheer you...
You are loved..

the super model

I have this photographer with me..all day along..
Taking my snaps..in everything I am doing, wearing..
Making me feel graceful..
At times awkward..
But you do make me feel beautiful.

the story of pink roses

There's a place, beyond everything I have seen...
And it has you..
There will be a song..
and our fingers interlaced..
With drops of rain on our faces..

There would be green..

and I would smile..

Love..

the naked ape

I love your darkness, the way you put it around yourself..
And how it attracts me to you..
Like those carsheds, I would pull down windows for you..
To enter your darkness..
I may not make sense.
But I would be yours then.

on a hot summer day

As the bamboo peeked.. from within the glitteratti..
It shone..all wet.. blew wind onto my face..
And I wished..
Like I did as usual..
I forgot you then.. I fell in love again..with the wind..the rain..
and went on wishing..
You, are the rain.

the rose bud

There's just so much to write and speak..and tell you..
About the world..about me..about you..
And yet I won't be finishing my list..
There's so much between us..

the drunk statement

Its like another normal day..when i just get up to realise i have been late, yet again.
I just stay there..just like that..you know, the type when you feel like nothing..
All blank.. or rather full..
The sunlight seems to be too bright and dark rooms have become a favourite..
I can hide myself..
You try to find me..
Or rather that is what i think..
You are far away..

Even illusions are so full of you..
Makes me hate you all the more..

And when you read this, i know for sure, you'll go low again....
On your mood..
I say cheer up..
I just expressed like a drunkard!!

It was only a bad dream..

white plastic glasses

When we cheered up for the last time in this year, it stuck me.. It was to be the last time..
I wont be drinking to you, again..atleast not for 6 months..
No more of our photo shoots, your incessant laughs..
There are so many things to miss, feel sad about..

And yet at the same time, I am to fight my way..
To take my first steps, towards being..
To develop that hidden me..

6 months..

blind people

We have walked down several roads now... where i do not get the patterns matching themselves..
There are no beddings on those roads..niether sheets costly.. You look at the columns on the opposite building..
But they are not important.. yet we tend to discuss them, how they could have been influential at some time of history..
Yet we ignore.. or maybe ignore it deliberately..as we dont have nothing to do..
You forget it..and i write!!

The vermillion couldnt have been more explicit..and the breasts peeking out of the clothing..
The child slept on..
and so were we..

day before judgement

I do not like to judge it.. I would rather not be able to express it too well either...
But yes, I am proud of you, of your being, you being an inspiration, an idol to me..
And how no one can ever take away that place..
And how orthodox I am, about believing you..
I do agree to your generosity...
But its you who defines me..
And you can never reverse it...

rear window

What we leave behind,never comes back to us...

It might run, walk or just come strolling, to stay behind us, or it might surpass us.. In its own speed..

Whatever be it may...
it shouldnt be bothering us, its past..


non-sensical ###

I, you, we all create our own mountains..and then think of the hurdles it poses infront of us.. and that we cannot cross it..
Negativity..
And then when something good happens.. we are like... oh thank God!!
We have our own set of fears, some of it share-able, and some....
And i completely accept my flaws- i cannot draw, sing, dance, i have a bad hand writing..
I can only doodle,rather than putting up straight lines..
i even find it difficult to put up words for my emotions, at times..

And even after all these confessions,i still feel an insecurity.. i get vulnerable.
May be its kind of same for you too.. or may be different..
I boast at times, blurt out unkempt words..

I wonder if thats your story too..

side effects of influence

There are lots of stars in the sky... twinkling, shining...trying to be..
Just like us..
You..

holiday woes

Its really random to have said I want you, now.
At least I would have never done that.
But we start missing things;
and People, only when we don't have them around..

i missed you.

The storm before the rain

i am excited.
for the together-ness,
for the lights and food,
for the evening.

before i leave for unknown lands..

the city of rain

i say you light up my world..

hold my hand,

you might find me doing the same for you.

when you go blue

And then when you cry out my name,
i fall in love with colors, twilight meetings,down the woods of buildings..
amidst all the silvery enchantments..
windows and i peek,
to find if its really you..

yes, you surprise me..

The love making

i'd wake up each morning, just to find me all messed up..
my hair,eyes weary and tired, they need more of sleep,and some more you. i dont want you to come and caress my hair or my fingers.. never..
my hair turned bad, coz i have been tossing up in my sleep..
no, you never came in, and i never missed you..


i have got newer faces to smile at, and newer steps to follow..

witnesses

i suddenly have nothing to write.. or i am not thinking.. rather..
i am too pre-occupied..
poor me!!!
you leave me in that state..every day..
when i get up..i go to sleep.. i buy chocolates..or walk up the cobbled pathway,matching the patterns..
i am with you, and only you..
for the evening walks, colored balloons and bottles, auto-drivers, the timers on metro stations..
they blink at me..and then i go..
they think i ignored them..but they make me remember them..
making me to relate them to you..

and you become important again.

being in work mode

you are so important,and yes, i am just days away from you..
i knock you down then, or it would be the other way round..i dont know about you, but i'll be breathing you,get enticed by you..
and i think i'll be days away from my dreams..
you are so manipulative.. you are not beautiful, and thats what i love.
i will miss you.

opposites

i have been bragging about it for quite some time now.
and you must have grown tired, yet you go on and on..and i thought you had unending patience. But you never do prove me wrong, and i hate it that way...
please..
come..
and contradict me..hate me..and prove me wrong..
i'll wait for you..
i am rather..
i love being hated.

belongings of a different planet

parents say we should read a lot!! so that we can generate knowledge??wisdom?? i dont know... thats the most easiest answer to any question.. but at the same time, its kind of a savior.at least for me..
i have started missing these trifling things in my city. i mean the fact that i'll be missing them all is like pinching me every instant.. i know i am speaking the heart of all my classmates, they are bound to agree in their subtle unconscious mind!!!
the stroll from my departement building to the canteen esplanade, looking for the roses, of that particular pink color, and being happy on finidng them peeking out of their paper packets.
Being a regular to the mall next to college, being jealous of the manequin, and her gowns and shirts and shoes, jewellery pieces too. Making faces sitting in the bus, to the guy outside,standing in the sun.

its all going to be at a halt. Sudden.
it still doesn't mean i love my city. No it doesn't. love comes naturally, and i hated it from the very 1st day.. i hate the way people look at you here, the way they talk and treat you. they make you feel like an alien more..or atleast so have i felt..
The roads,alleys,dark and lighted..i took so much of time to be of here.. to be myself again, in here..
and yet again... i am changing places.. faces too. Hearts, ears, hands, food, sky, colors, earth...

i know this is going to be aversive for some..but for an alien,its not.. it is the way i feel, have felt.. i am not imposing..but reciting, coz i thought we had freedom of speech..

dark skies

let sun cool you down,
with winds making you fly..
let earth soothe your eyes,
let it rain in your heart today..

down the alleys

i walked at my will, to your pathways, just to find you lingering around.
you run to roads,different and higher.
i hope to find you somewhere,
we may not be lonely then, but crowds can be left behind..
i hope to walk with you someday!!

words just dont come

you know it, its when you speak..and yet feel weird..
you do express, but things remain unsaid.
like a phone ringing and you cant pick it up,
only coz you are sitting all packed up, but you have your "CALL OF YOUR LIFETIME" pacing up!!
its a weird situation!!
when you know things, yet you cant say..
it may be fear,introversy, or i dont know what..
but its there..
that little pricking thing..and it takes away your sleep, your dreams..
and you can only stare..
with eyes, big, bigger, and then the biggest!!!
you feel claustrophobic, like all your things get sucked up in the next tornado..
and you stand..
helpless.. as if in hell
its bad that way.

count down down down

just when its only a month left..
i let my dreams fly..
and myself to rest back..in my room..
in my darkness.. the subtle clatter!!!

train lines

i speak,you speak..
and no its not chaos this time..
its different..its about putting your opinions..
making slogans, banners, and more of it..
its a network..of tracks...people..clothes..
rather a mesh...
you are lost.. and you cant find your way back..
and all i can do is to wait and watch..
and see you struggle..
you are helpless..
you cry..and cry more..
and then break me!!

lost in the transparency

i think i show too much of  it..lets call it restlessness..
insecurity..
vulnerability..
and i say i am an architect..
irresponsible..
boast of it..
like my buildings do..on paper though..
and you read me..my mind..so easy
i dont know about what idea you get,rather impression..
they are meant to show me..
as a startled being..
i dont know rather, what i am writing..

lets end it up!!!

you speak..or i hear..
or lets just sit beside them..
and yet be lost..
into the crowd-i say,
in the serene-you say..
known things be lost..

let us be new!!!

together-ness

what definition actually is..it is lost..
and suddenly i forgot you..
you became murky..
and i was lost..
i blamed you..
and you thought it was you..
we forgot us..

that crazy little book

you are getting over me..and i need to switch places..
my department..
i pass by shops. look and stare..and go on..
i get envious..and suddenly i know its jealousy..
of not being near you..
i shouldn't have switched..

and i cry of regret..doing so ..
so very often..that i hate to even look..anymore..
you are so abstract a feeling..you run down in my spine..
to get me chills..on coffee-ed nights..
and then pull me
tear me into pieces..and make me suffer!!!

and yet i regret..go on with it..

yes..

stupid feelings

i say i love you.. and will miss you..even amidst the every chaos,
you present me with..
i change colors..
make codes which i know i will forget, but still..
its like an unrealised dream
why i give you so much importance..

yes i know i am being contradictory..
and you know it too well..
your age defies my logic..and i dont understand too..
and its so weird that i go on continuing..
with what i had been doing..
loving the most..
i cannot express rather well
these are abstract beings..
feelings you call them..

and i thought love was simpler..

i go crazy over you

i seem to have mental block at times..like now..
cant write, think..or rather..i think..too much of it.
only to get jammed..
not that i am thinking too much of you..
i am only to draw up something.. to conclude, i would say..
i press enter, every time i cant think of something to end..
beginnings are so easy at times..

and then we need that impetus,
to start even the simplest doodle..
songs play in the background..and time..
it flies, sails, and does everything but to wait..

and we go one with the doodles..
last moment sketching..pens and oodles of ink..
coffee.. its such an eye opener
and yet, we cant fill up sheets..
rather, only me...

you think i am wasting my time here..
on the world wide web..
lost..
yes i am... and i need no saviour!!

and i am cynical,frustrated..
a bit prudent..
like all others, of my genre..
or even more than that..

and mind you..dont take this for a poem..
everytime you see..i tend to swoon!!!!

chemo works,yes it does!!!

the wind waits for none..niether time..
and they served me the therapy..

took away you ..

and i am re-living..
smiling..

the story of unknown

yellow lights are good, they give the gist..
of an entire love story..
of the romanticism..
of the many niches,where love can be weaved..
of the many laughs, you ought to share..
of the trees, of the rocks,and plentiful of music..

of a nostalgia..

of that girl..
who grew up to be..
with the red..and flowers..
with gold..and a scent of being herself..

monotony

i fall in love with people..so contradictory to me..to black..and yes..to blue..
who love things, that i do not..
i may like..
but not love...

they love grey, like parties, hugging friends..
and they love to be quiet..
they do not like reading me..
and they do not give straight answers..
and i detest it all..
i love being read..
to be criticised.. to sit lonely..and stare..
at windows,skies,to speak out only when required.

and yes,they were nerdy..wearing out..
they were so unlike me..
and i guess thats what made me love them..
wanted me to be with them..
to get surprised, everytime i unexpectedly saw them..
and did a little transient jig in my heart..
to write about how i felt..happy..sad..stupid unkempt emotions

i guess thats how it is..

romanticism

sultry afternoons..
which bring back memories..
and nostalgia..
of a meeting,
and then a walk in the rain..
which was never there...
halucinated!!

habits

and its good at times to be under an impression,so what false..
but atleast makes you happy..
for the time being..
but its not worth it,all the same
coz you need to change your habits..
daily routine..
become monotonous again..
yeah its really bad..
contradiction you see!!

an ode

you,
yes you..
its you again..
and everytime..
it'll be you..
i am here for you..
an will be there...
and yet you disagree..
for being my reason..
you are it...
the you in me...that makes me live..
go about things..
say things, write poems..
yes i do..
i boast about..
only for you..
and yet you behave so unknown..
may be i'll be paid..or not
i dont care..
coz i'll be still doing this...again and again..
for maybe unknown no. of days..
and months to come..
years...
just for the sake of you..
the one..
the only one...
perhaps i'll break down sometime..
perhaps maybe this page goes to ashtray..
oh there are so many possibilites..
like the heartbeats..
rain drops..
to stop..
suddenly..
and then you..
will be mine..
or the vice- versa...

lets keep it different..
make it us..and be we..
for ourselves..
for us..
and then everything else falls back to place..
strangers..relatives..friends...lovers...
words...

LOVE : here and there

we like to walk..in alleys, roads,quieter place..
where trees gape..
and inquisitive windows peek

we enjoy songs, with guitar strings thrown apart..
and play 29 with our love as the partner..
we monopolise our city..
our songs, dance, our food..
we proudly announce about our boy friend's job.

we eat,
go on dates every alternate day..
even groundnuts will do..
we go for movies in groups,
yet like to sit beside our love.

we are adamant..
when others pull our legs,
about the guy we are dating..
we love others too..
their food..
the alleys that lead to them..
where we just hold hands..
but others get closer..
kiss, make love..
and we cry of shame..
and then unknowingly, we concentrate on the food..

we like green,
with those bamboo stalks pining to be visible... 
and yet love the red vermillion at mid-year festivities..
and the grape vines, dusty and filthy..
they make us nostalgic..
then there is the known address..

we are what we are..

and we wonder how new places would greet us..

for you, a thousand times over...

and then you go red and black..and i ought to get inspired.
i drool in your awesome-ness...
your dresses..the halucination..
the cartoons..and i like a filthy animal..ogle at you..
gaping, is what you call.

oh yes...
you are the star..
the world whirls around you..

i can only spin words for you..
abstract though....

you will throw them, i know.
and yet i write.
i strive to write..
coz i do that only..
i..
a mere....

wait..
i dont have an identity..
i dont have a name..
i can only write..
to you..
for you..

1st day of exam

its another day, today...the sun was bright..and i got late yet..the bus was late too..
so typical of a Calcuttan day.
i rushed..through the roads..
stairs..notes..
and mugged up too...
used my rotering, hands, and a bit of memory..
formulas suck...!!!
and i do too...
when i start turning a bully....
bit of it though..
i wrote.. words..numbers..i played with them...
i exchanged answers..
and i was happy about it...

thats my day..
wasnt particularly so...
yet so much left..
the cuteness.. the bitching.. the phone calls..
the messages i caress..
and yet i call it a day!!

its not yet the end..
as i thought.
you arent yet there in it..
and i wait..

love changes, as i forget you

we think we can always be positive,
enough to bring down a whole new world at our feet..
starting anew..


the past shadows..woes..grievances..love..
they keep you down..
until you fight back..
to get over them..
and then its all over!!




new life.. new love..the beautiful austere face..
eyes..smile..the walk..hands..
and sitting beside every time..
we call this love..and that subtle feeling...
nice and good.


love is about it all..


winds and rain mixed together..
to bring you that lovely lady..
sometimes in casuals..
at times in a gown..
the faces being different..
but love prevails...